I went to see Ex Ex Girlfriend and former Best Friend and still Best Friend I'll Ever Have Had Ever. She invited me up because she was upset over splitting up with her girlfriend. Off I went.

Ex Ex is the president of a university college in the north-east of England. Subsequently, Ex Ex is always busy. Always. If her room phone isn't ringing, her mobile is making noise, then she needs to check her emails again, then call someone to re/arrange something, then exert her authority over something. This I've always understood, but I barely spoke to her for the entire weekend. She told me she would be stupidly busy this weekend and I'd have to go along with it, which I was fine with. This turned out to be watching football on TV in the pub, followed by watching TWO inter-college matches on a blustery field, as she had promised a friend she would watch him play - someone she sees all the time, unlike me. I took myself off for a walk at half time of the first match and didn't I return.

I walked up a hill and sat in the woods on a tree stump. I walked down the hill, found another gap in the trees, and climbed the hill again. I sat in the sun, looking out over Durham cathedral, listening to the Guillemots' album, and really, really wanted someone to share it with. Ex Ex was too busy being presidential and footbally and wouldn't have sat still long enough to listen to why I appreciated it. Just like she didn't pay any attention to a word I said all weekend.

"What perfume's that, sapped?"
"Why, do you like it?"
*nothing*
*peer round in front of her face, blocking view of emails* "Hello?"
"What?"
"You asked me a question, then I asked you one!"

Hadn't heard me.

"So your sister has a girlfriend?"
"Yeah, I can't believe the only person who's known this long is [Sibling's GF with a Boy's Name]!"
*texting* "Do you still talk to him?"
"What?"
"Sorry...what are we talking about?"
"I don't know any boys with that name!"
"You've lost me"
"Oh, forget it"

She complained that her now ex-girlfriend would come to visit and want to stay in her room and not wander around the college or go to the bar, and that when she did she would be very opinionated and start debates with her friends. At first I was inclined to agree that her girlfriend had obviously liked the sound of her own voice. By the end of the weekend, I now think that she behaved like this as it was a way of actually having Ex Ex's attention for 5 minutes. Every single part of me wanted to scream this at her whenever she turned her back to check her emails again. I wanted to throw her phone in the (pretty) river (that I walked along - and back - twice, alone). When she'd say "Well I've never known you this quiet, what's the matter?", I bit my tongue, because I knew she wouldn't be listening to me after a few minutes anyway.

I could talk about this for ages. Suffice to say I will always love her but she is no longer placed on that pedestal I've always placed her on. She has plenty of other people doing that now anyway. Hopefully I will see her at Easter at home, and she will be less college/cult focussed, and I may get more than 3 minutes conversation out of her. It feels such a shame. I miss her as she was.