Whatever you have done in your past makes you the person you are today, never regret what you have done just use the knowledge to never make the same mistakes again.
That's all anyone can hope for. I hope I have.

Hmm, difficult question. I don't think there is a final answer to that.

I know of a man whose wife was not interested in sex at all, and as strange as this may sound, he saved his marriage by cheating on her (his sex drive was higher). One of the women he slept with was considered frigid by her husband, but she was not, so this affair gave both of them strength and pleasure and love without endangering either marriage.

So in your case, it really depends on what type of relationship you were in at the time. I don't believe that a break-up is caused only by the cheating, there's usually more that went wrong.

Plus, I think your point about human nature is right. Monogamy is not what we were made for, no matter what society/religion/ethics teach us now.

But in general I think the pain it causes (if found out) is greater than the pleasure it brings.

But dear, don't worry so much about what happened in your past. If your affairs were mistakes, learn from them (= don't repeat them). If they weren't mistakes, enjoy the memories.

Neither makes you a terrible person!

Ditto what antlady said. No definitive answer, it completely depends on circumstances.

The only thing you can really do is use the golden rule - how would it make you feel if things were the other way round?

In my personal experience, I did it one time and one time only, I had a one nighter with an ex. I split up with my then current boyfriend at the first opportunity. In my mind, if I could do that, then I didn't really care. It was actually a good thing, cos I wasn't really committed to the relationship anyway.

The one time I found out a guy I was seeing (and really fucking liked, too) was already in a relationship with someone else, I ended it straight away. It was kind of a mutual thing, actually, cos I think I made him feel really guilty. His loss is Paddy's gain! Mind you, if he can cheat on someone else he can cheat on me, so maybe a lucky escape, eh.

Ultimately I think if you are cheating then there is something wrong with your relationship. I'm not talking about drunken one night stands, cos alcohol lowers inhibitions and while that's not an excuse, it's not premeditated and thought out.

But if you are regularly seeing someone on the side, then you need to look at why you are in a relationship anyway.

Anyway, only you can say wether your *ahem* dalliances made a difference to the outcome of a relationship, and what the circumstances were. Did you go out and look for someone else, or did it just sort of happen. Were you drunk/high at the time, or stone cold sober. Were you happy in your relationship or were you fighting all the time. How did you feel about your partner, did you love them or just like them a lot?

Having said all that, the past is history (or herstory), you can't change it, you can only learn from it. If it made you unhappy, don't do it again!

Hope that's not too much of a lecture...

x

In my life's journey, I have learned that there is no excuse for cheating on anyone as the cheater is being disrespectful to not only their partner but more importantly being disrespectful to themselves.

It is easier to cheat than it is to address the issues and conduct your life with dignity and the integrity it deserves.

Cheating is symptomatic of trouble/problems in the relationship and that is the issue at hand.

When I've cheated in the past its usually been alcohol related (no excuse i know)and always been because I was unhappy in the relationship in the first place. It doesn't make you a bad person, it actually wakes you up to your situation.

You either are tormented by guilt because it really was a dumb mistake, or you dont really care, in that case you know the relationship is dead. Its how you handle the situation afterwards that counts.

x x

sorry haven't read everyone elses comments so may be repeating here. I think try not to look back, it's not always healthy, whatever you did back then either happened for a reason or was dealt with at the time. Cheating doesn't make you a bad person it just means that there were fundermental things wrong with the relationship. it does hurt when you get cheated on yourself but it saves you in a way because you move on and find someone more suited to you. I would never condone cheating but it is hard to condemn without knowing the full story.
don't stress hun you live and learn xxx